|transition shakedown vent fest
||[Sep. 7th, 2005|10:54 pm]
|||||radio head...from peter||]|
Do you know that sick feeling you get at the bottom of your stomach when you can't breathe.
The slow panic the lack of oxygen creates...
It's been happening.
I don't know why, but I think it has something to do with moving.
I feel sick, and i can't reach out anymore, I can't tie up the loose ends.
Like when I went to cingular, to see if i could retrieve numbers
"there's not a thing we can do for you"
surely, that's the story of my life.
I wish it was different, and I wish I had the energy to change it, but I can't.
I have the energy of a broken heart and a tired mind.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
I want to undo experiences and take back attatchments.
I want to forget faces and feelings.
Neither of which i can do.
And I'm sure its the brilliant orange pills which are making me feel so glorious now.
They really weren't fucking when they named those side affects, were they.
I've been feeling like I've had the flu for days now, and these moods swings too...just shoot me.
i haven't really been talking to anyone
everything is moving backwards.
I do realize I'm bitching like crazy, but really, I just need my one time to vent.
I keep wondering how people would react if they had the one thing that kept them going taken from them.
This world would go mad, and then I might be happy.
Misery loves company.
I don't want excuses, I don't want east-outs.
I'm tired and scared that I can't do what I need to do now.
I don't want to be alone for an eternity...and i have no faith for what i have lost.
I'm sick to death of giving advice no one will take.
I'm tired of listening to problems people won't end.
And at the end of each miserable pointless day i tell myself...
rome wasn't built in a day.
Thank the good lord I only have a few more of those pills left.
I miss the way love or even just lust tastes...
I make myself sick with worry...
it found me and casually strode on.
doo doo do do doood doo do.
Like the motherfucking titanic.
Where's my bag of love, my motherload of security?
None. Guess I'll just have to ruin yours then.
WOw, that's seriously how low I feel right now.
My emotional content apologies.
My heart is way too dynamic.
Wonder why no one notices...*shrug*.
I'm done indulging my inner child, name calling, whining, and whatever else....and now, moving on. That was my official, so cal mental shakedown. Mil grazie to every fucker who contributed, including myself.